A little taste of everything.
I’m going to explain cheating in such a way that you won’t look at cheaters as bad people but lost souls. Cheating usually stems from either people’s parents having a bad relationship or people experiencing unimaginable heartache. I remember how it happened to me. How one girl cheated on me with 5 guys, the next cheated on me on Valentine’s Day, and the ones after that would leave for the security of another man. All these relationships began to chip away at my idea of a good healthy relationship. It damaged me. I remember one girl that was completely in love with me since day one. She was consumed with the idea of having me forever. We built a strong relationship. You could say that she knew me better than any other girl I’ve met. She could read my mind almost. One day she got fed up with me, with how I was. She didn’t understand why I was as damaged as I was. Out of that whole conversation I had with her, I remember her saying one thing: “You’re going to die alone.” Now think about it. Someone I could consider my best friend…someone that has loved me more than anyone has….told me straight to my face that I was going to die alone. It begins to make you think. It makes you reflect on what’s happened to you before and how it’s built up to this point. That was the moment when the cheating picked up. I tried to fight the words she uttered to me that day. I would bring girl after girl into my life in an effort to fill what was eating up the inside of me. The funny thing is that it didn’t help. They would end up either cheating or saying the same thing she said that day. So that would eat me up and in an effort to repair myself I would cheat more. Notice the violent cycle that I’m now in. I try to repair myself with something that is destroying me, but if I stop, her words may come to fruition. The thing is that now I have stopped, but that violent cycle has worn me out like an old taxi car. I don’t believe that I can be in a productive relationship. I don’t believe that I can emotionally support someone. I don’t believe that I could even recognize when I meet my soul mate, if I ever do meet her. I’m not built to support other people, not anymore. I’ve replaced all the love, humility, care, and kindness in me with a new bashful, conceited, arrogant side of me that accepts my brokenness. It’s fine with being alone. It thrives off of it. I accept the fact that cheating has turned me into a lost soul. I just hope that if you ever find someone doing what I did that you help them. Don’t criticize them. They’re lost, and maybe you can be the one to find them.